I resent you so much.

Anytime I try and talk to someone about this, try and properly get my feelings out they just criticize me and try and make me feel bad. No one understands, no one understands where I’m coming from. It’s not fair that after years of you depriving me of affection, of emotion, of I love you’s. It’s not fair that after years of you pushing away and rejecting my attempts to build a better relationship with you. It’s not fair that after the way you’ve honestly hurt both my father and I, I’m supposed to act like everything’s okay. I’m supposed to bottle things up and pretend like I don’t resent you for all that you’ve done and your attempts to basically tear this family apart. The worse things get the more I have to hold my tongue. You may be making progress but with me you’re just making angry feelings and resentment. 

As child, as a teenager, as your child; I just don’t understand what I did to deserve this. What have I done that’s seemed to make your life so miserable and so unpleasant that you spend as little time at home as possible. How is it fair that you look at me with anger and with disappointment and disinterest, and I get scolded for not attempting to “reach out to you more” for coming off as rude. You have been so cold and uncaring nearly all my life, I don’t understand what I’ve done to deserve this. 

i think the act of asking for someone’s number is cute.

“i think i’m asking too much, from a guy who doesn’t have that much to offer to be begin with.”

my feelings circa 2010. 

8:33 pm

i can’t help but wish you would text me only so that i can just fully explain myself once more. after a long talk with several people it’s become more than clear what i need and deserve in my life. i better understand that i deserve someone who is as enthusiastic about being with me as i am with them, and someone that would be proud to be my boyfriend. i don’t want to relive my freshman year and that similar situation with a different person. everyone seems to think that because you have history with someone that it makes the relationship worth while and effort, but i think the opposite. i’m proud of you and all that you’re accomplishing in your life, and i wish you well in school, but it flat out will never work. and with this, with all that i said to you on monday i end whatever this is once and for all, because we need to give ourselves a shot at a real relationship.. even if it’s not with each other. 

everyone probably thinks i’m a creep,

like reblogging them a week or a month later.. instead of having a queue, i just have a bunch of drafts of things to reblog when i feel like it.. like 94 drafts.

just to clarify.. i’m not a creep. 

i just wanna flirt, or makeout, just ugh.

like i’m bored, c’mon.